Quest for Fire

One of the more memorable characters of science fiction television was Mr. Spock, who was half-Vulcan. Vulcans believed in logic and rationality. I suspect one reason his character was so appealing was that people could relate to emotions getting in the way of happiness. You would think, with intelligence and rationality, we could simply do more with our time than spend it trying to find ways to procreate. Given the difficulties of finding "true love", perhaps devoting ourselves to more intellectual pursuits would serve everyone better.

And, yet, there's the biological imperative to reproduce. A species does not survive unless it can reproduce. Oh, we wrap it in something more meaningful. There is love. There is the goodness of having children. It is the will of a supreme deity or deities. To believe that reproduction is merely wired in our brains, and that our desire is no different than animals offends some, even as, for many others, especially those well-educated, this belief is perfectly reasonable. We are the way we are. That we can't overcome it with intelligence is fine.

It must have occurred to one of the writers of Star Trek that pure logic that rules out love would rule out the reason to procreate. Amok Time addresses that issue. Every seven years, Vulcan males go through pon farr, which is basically heat, where they are drawn back to Vulcan to seek a mate. The only part that isn't mentioned in the episode is the reproduction itself, but, hey, it was the 1960s, and they covered up Shatner's nipples, lest it cause a calamity among the unwary populace. Even so, it deals with the need to reproduce in a logical society.

I find, among the single people I know, which is nearly everyone I know, that much time is spent thinking about how to meet others. I recently watched March of the Penguins, where once a year, penguins go to a nesting ground. The males vie for female attention, and begin to pair off, despite the fact that penguins, to human eyes, look pretty much the same. Of course, if a penguin could comment, they'd probably say the same about humans.

Critics have accused the voice-over narration for too much anthropomorphizing, making penguins seem like people. While I doubt penguins love in the way that humans love, that is with so much thought, and passion, that it is the closest one can talk about love (or possibly lust) in penguin-dom.

This, alas, happens in human-life too, and by that, I mean in American life. Many cultures, interestingly enough, put the burden of mating on the parents, who must approve the woman or the man so that they may marry. Arranged marriages often perpetuate class distinctions. Thus, a family is determining whether the spouse for their son or daughter is worthy enough. They vet the potential mate, believing they, having lived on the earth at least twice as long, have more insight into picking the mate than their own offspring.

Americans, by and large, believe this is hogwash. Despite the enormous amount of effort, and the forced relearning of mating rituals, the average American wants to find their own mates.

Even though Americans have discarded arranged marriages, they have not discarded the need for males to make the first move. I think, males, despite the complaints of having to find women they like, prefer the approach of being the hunter rather than the hunted. I have to wonder how women like this. On the one hand, shy males must learn to overcome their shyness to meet women. On the other, outgoing women sometimes have to wait for eligible males.

Some enterprising women decide that there's no reason to wait for the man to make the move. If they want to have someone to be with, they should make the first move. Yet, I've noticed that this seems rather rare. Now perhaps, because I happen to mostly hang around males, I've yet to notice the woman who is out lamenting about why no men will pay them heed. Instead, I hear, rather frequently, males make this lament.

In this day and age of reasonable equality, women can have an upper hand. Men, desperate to find women, are willing to do what it takes to keep the woman happy. Now, it could be that I've just hung out with men who are not capable of wooing women, and those with great abilities to do so may take women for granted, expecting women to cater to their whims, realizing that they could be dumped at any moment.

I've pointed this out before, but I find it peculiar that men pursue women. I understand there's a biological need to do so, but there are so many differences. Men like action movies, blood and guts, sports where men hit each other. Women prefer making the house presentable, buying shoes and nice clothing. I know, there are a few men who love to cook, and care about the color of the curtains (we call them gay---or metrosexual) and women who can be absolute slobs, or prefer athletics over homemaking.

But by and large, society has certain roles for men and certain roles for women, and on average, men and women tend to follow these roles. How many men love football, and yet find women who don't care about it at all. Or women who want to have a party to decide which candles to buy, where men find an excuse not to be in the house when this happens. Men want to make ribald jokes. Women want to hear the latest gossip.

These are stereotypes, but as with many stereotypes, there are elements of truth. You see it if you observe people. You wonder why men have to act in that way, and why women have to act in that way, and why they can't share the same outlook. Yet, men and men often do share that, and women and women do share it, and yet, the emotional bonding, well, that's too much to overcome. It's funny that friends are friends often because they share a lot in common, but husband and wives do not need to share that much in common, merely a tolerance to put up with the other person's interest.

Movies have often made out the perfect couple. They don't like to show a budding romance that is about two people who are wrong for each other. Dysfunctional families, OK, that's all the rage, but a romance that's wrong? It's not what people want to see. There are relationships that somehow function. Put it on the screen, and you're yelling at the screenwriters for not realizing that a person is in an abusive relation.

I was watching 3-Iron, and while I marvelled at the ability to tell a story where the two leads never say a word (well, almost never), it doesn't explain how this woman got into the abusive relationship to begin with. I'd like to see someone try to film that, because such relationships happen all the time. Guys are manipulative. Women are manipulative. Instead, movies perpetuate a kind of myth, that causes people to want to seek ideal relationships.

How many shy guys do you know who say to themselves, I'm only going to date those that meet exceedingly high standards? I'm not going to settle for less. I'm going to price myself out of the market.

We are on a quest to procreate, and yet, it is a strange quest.