Gender Bender

A friend recently wondered aloud "why do men not like flowers and babies?", two things she loves best in the world, and "why do they love action pictures", which she doesn't care for, and "why is it cross cultural?".

I grew up during the middle of the women's lib movement. OK, I was maybe 5 years old when it was at its height, but there was pressure to pass the ERA, which was the equal rights amendment. Sadly, it did not muster enough votes to make it an amendment, and it perhaps the last serious attempt at amending the Constitution. Even though I was very young, the cries for gender equality must have meant something to me, because I generally felt men and women were equal, including attitudes.

It look a very long time, much longer than most people who reach this conclusion by the time they are teens, before I realized women and men view things differently. I know, I know, these are generalizations, but that's fine. They are generally true, not true to each and every last person. What I'm most curious about is whether the fact that women like cute things and men prefer electronics or sports is something that's basically genetic, or whether it's cultural. At one point, I'd tell you it was society, and I'm sure society pressures have much to do with the way men and women act.

For example, many men are moderately homophobic, perhaps less so now, than say 30 years ago, but still homophobic. A guy can show his toughness (in a strange way) by following sports avidly. Even the wimpiest of persons can follow their favorite teams and watch admiringly as 300 pound men try to stop 230 pound men from bulldozing their way to a first down. Still, what male would wear his hair in a ponytail?

What male likes to receive roses? What male cares about how his shoe collections look? I knew that male/female equality was far from the same when I went into a department store and just stared at the number of purses, shoes, and lipsticks that were being thrust upon the women consumer. Women who disdain those kinds of things are probably accused of being dykes. And, so our gender roles are forced upon us by people who want little boys to dress in blue and little girls to dress in pink.

They want little boys not to cry, while it's fine for little girls to cry. Little Johnny must try harder, and not lose to little Rajeev, but little Kavitha doesn't have to win since ladies aren't good at sports or competition. It is no wonder that only men play cricket in India while the women watch. It makes the nerdiest of teenage males feel some comfort that he can handle a wicket while his female classmate can not.

I wonder, sometimes, whether men are not more insecure about their sexuality than women, and that ultimately, their need to feel male drives them to avoid things that seem effiminate. I haven't met too many guys who try to act tough and be John Wayne, but certainly, in small ways, they avoid acting like girls. No playing with dolls. No dressing in mama's clothing. No putting on lipsticks. Girls seem to suffer less problems acting "male". Once upon a time, it was scandalous for a girl to wear jeans, and now it's so common place as to not even attract notice.

Still, women are expected to at least wear brassieres so their bosoms remain shapely, and shave their underarms, lest they seem too manly, so perhaps women too, feel the pressure not to be male, which, alas, sometimes means they won't work that hard to be smart. Leave it to daughters of Asian parents who often push them to succeed academically as hard as they do their sons. Strange that conservative cultures that generally have women barefoot and pregnant are the ones that raise their daughters to compete with their male counterparts in science and engineering. It baffles me as well. Perhaps Asian parents feel this is their way to deal with the new world, and they are more liberal in their attitudes than their relatives who stayed back in the homeland.

Men and women act different, all right, and I don't know why. I partly blame culture and society, but I suspect genetics may have a little to do with it too. Men and their testosterone. Women and their estrogen. How much do the chemicals that course through our bodies play a role in who we are. When we value intellect and thinking, it may be the hormones and chemicals that make us feel the way we do, that make us think the way we do. We can fight it, but only so much.