Friendly Fire

There's an interesting dilemma that occurs as people enter into their twenties, especially those of us who are not so charming or so handsome or so loathsome as to be able to find anyone of our choosing. At some point, people begin to think their friends aren't enough. Sure, they're fun to hang out with. Sure, you go out to movies, or parties, or bars, or museums, or book signings, or camping.

But it's not enough.

You crave more. You crave constant companionship. You crave sex. There's nothing that signals that you have reached adulthood more than engaging in sexual activities. There's some maturity and skill involved with the ability to convince the other sex that removing clothing, and intertwining bodies, for the purpose of hedonistic pleasure. Or the same sex. Or several someones.

How many people, involved in a relationship, can say, without sex, they would be just as happy, just as content as they are now? How many people would leave their significant others if they were given an ultimatum?

Oh, I'm sure there are people that would indeed be fine with the thought, and yet, there are those who are slaves to their bodies desires. Everything else is this song-and-dance, provided this bodily addiction is fed once in a while. Of course, I'll go shopping with you! Of course, we'll walk the dog! Of course, we'll visit the museum! Of course, I'll return that to the video rental place!

But in this quest for a relationship, we often give up our friends. We want to get past the notion that we are whores or gigolos who merely crave the body, but have little regard for anything else, so we hang out, we sleep together, do things together, and given those limits, we are unable to hang out with our friends.

Now that we stop hanging out with our friends, they have one less friend to hang out with. They decide that, they, too must seek out a soulmate, or a lover, and when that doesn't succeed, they lament. They need a significant other. Their friends are no longer there. They want someone to be with them all the time. It's too lonely otherwise. With a significant other, there's a pact, to be with each other all the time. They owe your their time. You owe them yours. And, you do it for sex.

Oh, sure I'm simplifying. There are many where these rules don't apply.

You need a new drug, my friend. Because friendship is passe, it's out of style, it doesn't give you the kick you once had. We are friends, and there are simply boundaries between us, that prevent us from being more, without altering the dynamics of who we are. Maybe I don't even like you that much. I certainly don't like you enough to do that.

Imagine a world where we didn't have to follow these rules that have been built up through years of social interaction. We'd be swingers, and fool around with whomever. Friends, enemies, the indifferent. Would that make anything better? Would the devaluation of what sex means give us less hangups than we have now? How does one explain the way the world works?

Why am I wearing blinders that insists the world works the way it works from where I see. There are places where couples are virgins til they wed (even in the United States!). It leads to couples that marry when they're 19 or younger, desperate to feel what had been forbidden. There are people who have open marriages. Does it make them less faithful? Does it matter? Does it lead to jealousy? There are places that advocate polygamy, but only for the man. The woman is not allowed her harem. The gay community once abounded with casual sex, which attached no meaning but pleasure to the event.

Is love the enemy of friendship? Is sex? How does it all relate?

I need a drink.