Pardon the Commentary

Sports radio, which was nowhere ten years ago, is perhaps the fastest rising radio genre. People used to only catch sports news from ESPN or maybe USA Today, can now listen to pundits talk about sports all day long.

This has meant that some issues get intense scrutiny day after day after day. For example, during the pre Super Bowl ceremonies, the NFL invited all the MVPs since the Super Bowl started.

There were several absences. One person was dead. Another was in Australia. There were two more notable absences. Terry Bradshaw failed to show up. He claimed family issues. Still, it was noted that Bradshaw, for some reason, has never been particularly fond of Pittsburgh, despite having all his success there.

And Joe Montana failed to show up. It was said he wanted $100,000 guaranteed before he would appear. To be fair, many of the other invitees were also being paid by the NFL for their time. This was so painful to sports commentator and enthusiast Mike Greenberg, that he spent more time grousing about Montana's lack of loyalty to the NFL than celebrating the Steelers victory.

Because most of sports radio is commentary, you find that objective broadcasting is the last thing on their mind. It's all about the ranting and raving about some idiot on some sports team, and heaping criticism.

It's also, strangely enough, about trying to show some degree of masculinity. To be fair, most commentators tend not to show off their machismo. Many are jock wannabees, but are more sports geeks, then BMOC. This often means they lack complete objectivity, which probably doesn't exist anyway, but is even worse in sports, where you may admire the sports person you're trying to cover.

Sally Jenkins helped Lance Armstrong write his autobiography, most notably, before he ran a series of seven victories at the Tour de France, breaking the record of five held by several cyclists. Needless to say, despite Armstrong's personality, which isn't exactly humble and gracious, Jenkins is nonetheless smitten, and probably thanks her lucky stars that she knows this icon of bicycling.

As such, you often hear commentators reaffirm their sexuality by commenting about how hot various female athletes or actors are. Occasionally, you'll hear an older sports commentatory talk about how handsome a male athlete might be, though often in the context of adoring fans. This is, I suppose, a male commentator's way of not trying to sound too sexist. Dick Enberg, for example, is not above saying that some male athlete is good looking, but always seems to do it without sounding as if he's actually interested.

Tony Kornheiser brings this issue up about Tom Brady, though he tries to sound as if he's jealous (or not) about women wanting Brady.

Which brings me to my point. Recently, Bode Miller made some allegations of Lance Armstrong and Barry Bonds using drugs. Bode Miller is on the Olympic ski team. These allegations have made several sports commentators exclaim that Miller is a complete idiot, especially, since he (to their minds) can't corroborate anything he says.

As it also turns out, Miller has had a few beefcake photos. Might as well take advantage of the Olympics and get one's name out there. Arguably, his comments were meant to put his name out there to begin with, and sports commentators, always looking for something to fill the airwaves, can't help but be baited. This is, in Internet terms, called a troll.

Miller is, I suppose, a reasonably good looking guy. However, with most sports commentators being straight, this is a non-issue. Would, for example, Anna Kournikova saying pretty much the same thing cause sports commentators to criticize her for saying something stupid, or would they, enamored by her beauty, be unable to address that issue, and have to point out how hot she is in their minds.

It's funny how sports commentary works like that. You see that a little bit in entertainment news (if you can call it that). Women are usually doing entertainment news, but they talk in such insipidly stupid ways that hearing them ogle over some hot male sounds as artificial as aspartame. It's nauseating to hear, really.

Point is this. Why do male sports commentators do this? Of course, once one person has license to talk like that, so does the next person, and they do.

The irony, I suppose, is that while most male commentators talk about hot women, they find it incredibly difficult to take women's sports seriously. They admire men's sports too much to take women seriously. Sure, a few of them might know women's tennis. But women's basketball? The sports casting fraternity doesn't extend to people like Lamont Jordan, who was a women's basketball manager back in high school, and genuinely likes women's basketball, despite being a decent running back in the NFL (and a Maryland football player to boot).

Ah, sports commentary. The last bastion of male geek heterosexuality.