Getting To Know You

Perhaps the central problem facing people is the need to get along with other people. Those who have devoted their lives to science and math deal with a far more orderly world than that of man. Scientists, especially physicists, can work out the mathematics that describe the universe, and verify equations. They can believe in the importance of symmetry, and let that faith guide them in deriving the equations that govern the universe.

Yet, we have no such laws that govern human behavior. That may be a good thing. Certainly, it keeps it interesting as we try to understand how others think, and why they do the things they do. At least, I find it interesting to think about these things. I must admit, I'm no expert when it comes to understanding people, even if I have, at various times, given thought to the problem.

So it turns out that I've learned a piece of information, which I don't know is true or not, though it would partly conflict with some information that I was lead to believe. I don't want to delve into much more detail, suffice it to say that this person could have told me said information, and as of yet, has not done so.

To be fair, this person and I aren't that close. I did pay a visit recently, but usually, it's my incentive to make the visit, rather than this person's explicit invitation. That alone generally means the person doesn't want you to see them. Yet, being the person that I am, I don't always let that deter me. If they're willing to be cordial enough to greet me, then I'll be callous enough to take advantage of the situation.

This person has often been described as "very nice", which is to say the person doesn't get angry, really, is quiet, and smiles a fair bit. But other than that, something of a mystery. It's times like that, when I'm curious about someone, that I would like to invoke some turn of phrase, some words, that would be comforting, reassuring enough that a person would relax and begin to talk. Alas, my usual inclination is to yap a lot, and that's not always so encouraging.

I used to say that I'd find it more interesting to "vacation" by learning more about people. That sounds strange, so let me explain. Often, people visit a new place to gain new experiences. They want to go to Machu Pichu or Cancun or take a tour around India. This affords them experiences outside the daily doldrums of this American life. I used to think that understanding how a person sees the world, how they feel, react, think was unique enough that it was worth learning about. Some people are pretty open about themselves in that respect, others not so.

I think this person was in the second category. Nice does not equate to familiarity. Nice doesn't even necessarily mean nice. There are people who would go out and do things for you, offer a room in their house, accompany you to some event, etc. That seems far nicer than not saying mean things. I can imagine dealing with someone saying stuff that may seem hurtful or critical if they see that it helps you out. To be nice, that is, not to offend, may not always be what it's cracked up to be.

So now comes the issue. How does I broach the topic? What's a good way to talk about it? Maybe I just say I know this fact, and the person can acknowledge or deny it. That would certainly be the easiest way. This begs the question, why bother? Partly because it is something that could have been said, and yet, was not. I know it's not particularly important whether I find out or not, but it does intrigue me.

I blog about it because it makes me think that when you know someone, you often only know a small part of the story, and that even that small part is often because of what a person is willing to tell you. You, me, and everyone we know are in this puzzle of interacting with others, and dealing with others. At times, we are simply not going to care about the other person. They are either unintersting to us, or so far removed in their worldview from ours that reaching common ground can be quite difficult. But even for those people where common ground can be reached, there are barriers. Occasionally, I try to cross one of them, to see what there is to see.