Isn't it Ironic?

Quite a few years agp, Alanis Morrisette wrote a song "Isn't It Ironic?" and was criticized roundly for the song being (ironically enough) not about irony. I haven't read the lyrics to the song until just now. Some of the lyrics do suggest some irony, but mostly it's about how, when things look like they are going good, something goes to mess it up, or when things are going bad, they seem to go worse.

However much Alanis gets blamed in her use of the word irony, the ones that are more to blame are sportswriters and sports commentators. You have to feel for sports commentators. On the one hand, they have a great gig. They get to do what they love to do which is to watch and comment on sports. However, they often want to be taken seriously, almost like a journalist, instead of being a dumb jock.

In fact, many of the best commentators aren't really jocks at all. Many of them enjoyed sports, possibly even played some, but were never great at it, and found their ability to write, speak, or understand the statistics of sports much more compelling. Bob Costas, the ever youthful-looking and talented commentator tops those who abuse the word "ironic", using it to mean coincidental.

For example, suppose Kobe of the Lakers and Shaq, formerly of the Lakers, and now of the Miami Heat, had their respective teams meet in the finals (not possible this year as the Lakers weren't even in the playoffs). He might say "it's ironic how these two teams met", when he should say "it's coincidence that these two meet", even if coincidence isn't the right word either. It's interesting how two teammates now on separate teams meet, but it's hardly ironic.

Irony is basically opposite occurring. When one thing is supposed to happen, but it's opposite happens. Recently, I heard on the Tony Kornheiser show, a reasonably good use of the word "ironic". It was noted that Gibbs, unlike some coaches, is extremely secretive about what goes on in training camp. He keeps a tight lid on what information the press can have. One of the guests noted it was ironic that one of the guys working for the team posts on the team's website an illegal practice, thus having the team's own personnel reveal violations of rules. So that is indeed ironic that a person so concerned with secrecy to avoid having bad things said about his team would have one of his own leak it.

Let's look at a few more examples of irony. O. Henry (not his real name, but his penname) was considered the king of irony. One of his famous short stories is called The Ransom of Red Chief about two bumbling guys who decide to kidnap the kid of some family and hold him for ransom. The kid is so irascible, so hard to deal with, that the guys eventually go back to return the kid. The father, knowing how difficult the kid is to handle, doesn't want him back, and in fact, demands that they pay him to take the kid back. The would-be kidnappers eventually pay up because they can't deal with the kid anymore.

Now that's irony. Two guys go to kidnap a kid thinking they are going to get a ransom, and instead, pay the ransom to get the kid off their hands. They do one thing, and get the opposite as a result.

Another short story that's heavy on irony is this one I read in a collection of short stories edited (but not written) by Orson Scott Card. It's about an alien race that has become incredibly advanced that they have specialized beings. So, they send a diplomatic being to negotiate with a planet that is seen to have not-as-evolved beings. In fact, the diplomatic being is two beings, the diplomat, and another part of him dealing with sex-related functions. He tells the planet that they are going to be eradicated.

The reason? The planet had sent its own diplomats to negotiate with these super-beings. However, once the negotiations had ended, the diplomats were killed. So, the beings of this planet decided to attack in retaliation. The super-beings, meanwhile, send their "killer" beings (recall, that everyone in their society is specialized to do a specific task) to kill off the race. Meanwhile, the leader of the not-advanced planet laments that her fellow beings, while not perfect, love life, love music, and that they are no longer going to be around, being powerless to stop the super beings.

So where's the irony? The advanced race has become so advanced that they are no longer advanced any more. They are like cells of the human body. The attack beings are like white blood cells killing invaders. Every being has no feeling, no emotion, but are, instead, simply parts of a large whole, and in their "advanced" status, have regressed to being cogs in an unfeeling machine. The irony is they are not really as advanced as they claim.

Thus, to be ironic, you need to expect one thing, and have a nearly opposite result. It isn't even as simple as, you need to go to something early, but get caught in traffic, so you're late. That doesn't quite have the right feel of irony. Many years ago, I said, in a newsgroup that it was ironic that the person who advocated being open and honest would hide behind a nickname and not reveal who he was. He claimed (incorrectly) that it was an incorrect use of irony (and even cited Alanis), though I, to this day, disagree.

It's become this huge pet peeve of mine to understand irony and really its misuse.

For example, it might be ironic (in sports) if an offensive genius ended up having a top-rated defense and mediocre offense. Or that a chauvinist (like Bobby Riggs) would have more to do with helping out women in sports than any female activist. Or changes in rules to increase scoring in some sport, ends up decreasing scoring. Or having the best player out actually improves the team.

Irony isn't really sarcasm, though there is some relation. Sarcasm is saying one thing, but meaning the opposite. For example, telling someone they are "such a genius" when you mean they are a complete idiot. Irony involves some expectation of one outcome, and the opposite occuring, but in a certain way. Wanting to be somewhere in a hurry, but being prevented from doing so, isn't quite opposite.

However, there's some irony about deciding to camp out and watch Star Wars, Episode 3, making plans and preparations, only to be at a theater that's not showing it. Or deciding to take a car to avoid the costs of spending a train ticket to some location, only to spend more money because of speeding tickets.

It's hard enough for me to use irony correctly, and I think about its use. So I implore sportswriters to stop using this word to make yourself sound smart, because ironically, you are using the word incorrectly, and making yourself sound less smart. (Except that it's so difficult to get a full grasp of the meaning, that the average fan doesn't even understand its misuse).