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India shares many values with the West, and yet, they are also in Asia, and share much in common with countries like China, even if both a typical Indian and a typical Chinese would disagree.

In particular, India, still being rather conservative, even in the modern era, segregate men and women. Men stay with men. Women stay with women. It is almost the equivalent of American junior high schools. Some of this attitude is slowly changing, but still, it is quite prevalent.

I was thinking of this while entertaining another thought. I was asked whether I was enjoying Diwali, which I'm told, is the most festive time in India. Firecrackers are popped, and the city is in a jubilant time. I would say that I am nont enjoying Diwali the way the natives are. The holiday means far less to me. But more than that, I am travelling in India by myself.

I would ask these people who wonder how I am enjoying Diwali, whether they would, upon first visiting a new country, by themselves, go out and do something by themselves. Even those who do celebrate Diwali, how often have they ever done it by themselves? Probably never. And yet, they imagine they might actually celebrate it alone? In reality, it wouldn't happen. It hasn't happened. I think these they've simply never entertained the idea that these festivals, a way for friends and family to be jubilant in the midst of crowds, is anything besides something done with others.

I'm sure my friend would suggest "But so many people are enjoying it" and would hope that I could somehow enjoy it too, even as I would retort "Fine, enjoy Diwali, but do not meet any friends and family in the process" which would, I'm sure, be greeted strangely. How odd of me to say such a thing! The thought is crazy. But it's not.

Anyway, as I was being taken around, I thought about how the segregation of men and women generally mean that men (at least) are more, for lack of a better word, more homoerotic. That is, they find more kinship with men than women. Homoerotic, of course, is far too strong a word to describe the situation.

My driver had said that Indians would not think twice of two men sharing a room. Certainly, it has far less negative connotations than a man and a woman sharing a room, where thoughts of lidinous male desires overcoming the chastity of a scared woman abound. Men and women must be separated lest evil and carnal thoughts manifest themselves.

Yet, men and women do seek company, and men, by observance, seem to have a need to be touched. The closest analogy in American society is sports where men play with other men. Thus, the notion of butt slapping, so common in, say, football, while perfectly accepted in these sports, is seen as far too homoerotic for those who don't participate in sports. Were I to, say, butt slap one of my colleagues, they would feel profoundly disturbed, wondering how I had the audacity to touch them.

While butt slapping is, of course, unheard of among Indians, it is not so uncommon to give a shoulder rub of sorts. Although I've seen Americans do that as well, again, there is some caution in this, and most American males would find this unnerving.

That is an interesting aftermath of men and women getting together more often and not being segregated. Males, at least, in the US, have become more homophobic, whereas the thought is almost so obscene, that it doesn't occur in societies where men and women are separated. American males often accuse or insult other men by questioning their sexuality. This seems far less common in Indian culture, even if, practically speaking, homosexuality is perhaps far more taboo.

Segregation of men and women is, I suspect, a result of arranged marriages. India is perhaps the last bastion of this notion. Although this concept was popular in China and even Europe many years ago, it is not regularly practiced outside the Indian subcontinent (thus, also Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, etc). When there is arranged marriages, there is far less need for dating, and indeed, it is often frowned upon. What if you meet a guy or girl of a family that is not worthy. Add to that a caste system, and you find parents more worried about a girl's family than about the girl. Again, these ideas are not particularly unique to India. They were once prevalent everywhere, but have remaine d so with India.

Males therefore have some reticence talking to women, although this is also the care in the US, at least, among the geek crowd.

I recall once, when one of my ex-housemates was in a room with students and teaching assistants. He came behind a guy, and started giving him a shoulder rub while talking about something or another. This would be seen as perfectly fine in Indian culture. This guy merely said "Don't touch me". When a woman did the same, he was nearly orgiastic. It's perhaps these thoughts of a man being able to pleasure another male that made this person queasy when my friend, who had meant nothing sexual by the move, was interpreted as having been hit on.

In the end, seeing how other cultures operate makes you realize that you operate within certain rules as well, and like many, derive some comfort within a value system, because it's familiar.

I will say that even that this is done with people familiar with one another. Thus, the one guy giving a shoulder rub to another is done with people that feel close enough with one another, at similar stations in society. Someone, like me, perceived as a foreigner, would not get that treatment only because it seems too familiar with someone that is outside the society.