Love and Marriage

As much as we are bombarded by television and movies, it's amazing they don't have more influence than they do.

I'll give you an example. The typical Bollywood film, beyond being about song and dance, tends to focus on love stories. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, that kinda thing. There are still some hangups in society which prevent, say, the three-minute onscreen kiss that, to be fair, was a problem in US cinema 50 or more years ago (and directors tried very much to skate to the edge of what was allowed), is pretty much verboten.

Yet, the entire subcontinent, which is India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh (I'm sure I'm missing some other countries) are one of the largest, last bastions of arranged marriages. Indeed, there is a name given to marriages that aren't arranged: love marriages.

Cinematically, arranged marriages aren't as dramatic as love marriages, and really, to skirt around that issue, marriages aren't even the point. It's the fairy tale meeting of boy and girl.

While guys and girls are less segregated in the metros (what we call "cities"), there is still segregation, and it's more profound in the villages, and, to be fair, even in the IT industry. I remember goading on this guy to talk to the girls in the company, and he said that he would get kicked by the girls if he tried. He was perfectly content having his marriage arranged, and not having to think about finding someone. Indeed, he might argue that he shouldn't buck tradition, and that his parents knew best.

And the funny thing? Despite the movies showing a world that seems at odds with the ones that most desis live in, movies are good entertainment. I doubt these displays of wholesome love is considered a travesty, something that criticizes the traditions of arranged marriages.

Why is that? Why, after all the movies that are shown, with many a guy wooing many a woman, does that not translate to the real world? The answer is rather simple. Guys understand they aren't the dashing movie stars that are shown. They are shy. Even in the US, where arranged marriages are practically unheard of, guys find it tough meeting that first girl. They often have to be egged on by their male friends, encouraging them to take that step, until they finally muster the courage to ask for a date. After that, it's probably not SO bad (though some always find it challenging).

And when every male you know is not asking women out, then you live with the status quo, and let the parents figure it out, so you don't have to. This, despite film after film, encouraging the notion of love.

For a less extreme example of the lack of power in pop entertainment, consider television programs. How often do you hear a Southern accent? Until the 70s, you didn't much hear African American accents. And Boston and New York accents are uncommon.

Yet, despite how common "good English" is spoken on television, the influence of family and friends seems much stronger than television, and accents persist. It hasn't been washed out because of television.

I find it fascinating how much or how little
popular entertainment affects the behavior of people.