An Indian Wedding in America

I went to a Hindu wedding on Saturday. Most Indians, almost down to the person, prefer having the wedding held in India. There are many reasons for this. The biggest reason, I'd say, is the number of relatives that show up to a wedding is far greater in India than in the US. A wedding might be considered big if it reaches 150 people. In India, that would be a small wedding. A big wedding might be several hundred people.

One advantage is the huge difference in salary from rich to poor, which makes cheap labor quite cheap, which means many tasks which you wouldn't even consider can be handled by people. And presumably, even the most exotic of weddings is far more affordable in India. Think of a feeding several hundred people in the US. For the same amount of money, you could feed 3-4 times that many people in India. You can hire musicians, and so forth cheaply.

Weddings in India can be lengthy affairs. An American wedding held in a Christian church (and since the bride is Christian, part of the wedding, held earlier in the week, was held in a church) was quick. A ceremony typically lasts between 30 minutes and an hour. Indian ceremonies can last for many hours.

Now, I know what you're thinking. How does that happen? I mean, people are starting to fuss and fidget when a wedding lasts more than 30 minutes. How can anyone stand to watch several hours of ceremony. The answer is simple.

They don't.

You see, while a church has row after row of pews, which compel the people to sit and listen to a mini-sermon, participants in an Indian wedding can be doing all sorts of other things. They don't have to pay attention to the ceremony. Indeed, people eat, chat with people they haven't seen in a while, and then, every once in a while, they pay attention to what's going on. There are some key events, and perhaps the participants will make sure they attend those parts, but even then, there's nothing really compelling them to actually attend it.

And that, in my opinion, makes all the difference. When you can sit and chat without it seeming like some solemn ceremony, then it's far less stressful and boring.

Now, I get the feeling, due to a variety of circumstances, none the least of which was the quick notice which the wedding was set up, the number of participants was small. It seems there were maybe 100 participants, if even that. This would be a pretty shabby wedding were it held in India, but it was fine for the circumstances.

A co-worker, an Indian, noted that while American weddings are centered around the bride. Her dress is the most made up (indeed, it's considered so much part of the ceremony, that you can't really wear the dress in any other occasion, without people asking "Why are you wearing that? Are you getting married?" where a groom can wear a tuxedo to other events requiring formality in dance). She's the one that comes up, and all eyes are on her.

In India, he remarked, the ceremony focuses around the man, and how the man is the one getting married.

One of the interesting aspects of India is that it's such a venerable country that there are many different languages spoken throughout. The groom's mother would chant something in Gujarati, which meant only a handful of others understood what was being said. The bride doesn't speak Gujarati (much). Indeed, the common language between the two is likely to be English (perhaps Hindi).

The marriage was interesting in another way. She's Christian. He's Hindu. While marrying across religion isn't unheard of, it's also not that common, and would be even less common if parents were arranging the marriage. Indeed, as you go to more conservative parts of India, marrying outside the caste is looked down upon.

But, both bride and groom seemed as happy as they could be, as were the proud parents.

And in the end, that's what matters, isn't it?