Bollywood

I was watching the Bollywood action flick Dhoom 2 last night. It stars Hrithik Roshan, you know, from Krrish, and Abhishek Bachchan, you know, the son of Amitabh Bachchan, a staple of Bollywood action flicks.

To be honest, I've seen, what, three Bollywood films in the last few months, and perhaps none for years and years, as I'm not Indian.

Certainly, the production values of these films are pretty good. For a long time, Americans were pretty much only used to seeing American films or maybe the occasional British films. Until Hong Kong pix started making waves in the late 80s and 90s, Americans didn't think other countries lacked the cinematic know-how (or the money) to make a good looking action/special effects film (I wish more Japanese films would make it this way, as many do look fantastic).

But the story.

So painful.

Bollywood "hits" seem to borrow prodigiously from lots of plotlines. Dhoom 2 is about a cop that tries to catch the "perfect" thief. It's part Entrapment (once you get beyond the Zeta-Jones in a skin tight catsuit, it's about two thieves), part Matrix, part Mission Impossible (with the disguises).

Perhaps the one smart move, if you can even call it that, was to add a comic relief character. Where this film could have bogged down into Matrix seriousness, it decides to take a modestly light touch. Still, tonally, it's all over the place. Plotlines are picked up and dropped. The cop has an annoying girlfriend/wife who's pregnant (that's not explained so well), and he meets up with a former flame, who inexplicably disappears once the action heads to Brazil.

But no matter, her ditzy twin sister is in Rio.

Bollywood films have also been branching out internationally, trying to set films in different parts of the world. Krissh was partly set in Singapore. Dhoom 2 is partly set in Brazil, and of course, during Carnivale.

The director's a bit obsessed with sped up film, computer-generated ultra quick pans, followed by slow motion, scenes with rain (also popular in videos), and the lamest one-on-one basketball I've ever seen (I suppose we shouldn't expect that they would dunk, and opt for the high-percentage layup).

Towards the end, I kept obsessing over Roshan's thumb. Turns out that he has something of a double-thumb on his right hand. Most scenes it doesn't stick out (so to speak), but a few, you notice, hmm, what's that? Another appendage? How come I didn't notice it in Krrish?

I have to say I just kept looking at his hand, where in real life I'd be too ashamed to do so (recently, I saw some fellow with some largeness of the head that seemed oddly cartoonish--and yet it's human nature to stare, and I found myself doing just that).

Yes, the films have dance sequences. Yes, they talk all about romance, but there are never any sex scenes, nor any nudity. Indeed, kissing is often avoided, but the film decides to tackle this taboo by using, you know, Russian roulette to amp up the tension, as a precursor to the lamest kiss ever.

Being a Bollywood picture, you have to have women. But women in India are never quite as popular as men. I suppose in a segregated society (men from women), men still find it's safer to have male role models. To be fair, it's not that different from American culture. If American males don't necessarily identify strongly with male actors, they do with male athletes and male singers.

And as much as heterosexual men feel the need to proclaim their masculinity by being horny over women, how many movies do men really attend just because of the hot actresses involved? Has Jessica Alba really made any films that made a hundred million just because she was in it?

Movies, in the US, are not star driven the way they are in India. It's true stars help films out, but honestly, who was that big a star in Pirates of the Caribbean? Johnny Depp? Please. The film may have made him popular, but he was hardly in the Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis popularity. Indeed, even as I type those two names in, Americans really lack a superstar in acting. These aren't the days of John Wayne, Humphery Bogart, Lauren Baccall.

Back to the film. The music is rather infectious, though certainly not action-oriented. It sounds like they say "Dhoom a Chah-lay" a great deal.

The Indians I saw it with didn't think it was so good, and not terribly representative of good Bollywood films. Certainly, it had recognizable stars. After 36 Chinatown and Krissh, I'd like to see a Bollywood film that people think is good.