A Modern India

In my only trip to India, I ate dinner at some ritzy restaurant in Mumbai with my friend and her friend. Her friend was a "worldly" sort, even in India, having traveled throughout the subcontinent (many folks, I'm sure, don't wander particular far from where they grew up). She once read a book written by someone foreign, New Zealand or Australia, or some place, and remarked at the insights that person had had, much like de Tocqueville who described American optimism from his French eyes.

She remarked that the question "What is India?" has no easy answer because it is so large and so diverse that there is no single answer to that. The answer is complicated by many factors including a country that is more like Europe, with each state typically having its own language and script and politics. There's religion with Muslims, Hindus, Christians living with one another. There's those that liked the British.

India has a huge diaspora, with Indians living throughout the world, in Africa, in Singapore and Malaysia, and increasing in the US and England. This view of the West contests with local conservative traditions that emphasize family values far more than red state United States.

In conversations I've had with Indians, I'm almost dumbstruck by the basic comment of "It's not like that in India any more". Well, that's not exactly it. For example, it's fairly common for Americans to get divorced. Indeed, I can just go through our relatively small company and probably count at least half a dozen (if not more) folks that either have parents that are divorced or are themselves divorced (and possibly remarried). It might be 10%, but that's a lot (and it may be higher).

My friend from Mumbai felt that divorce was pretty common, and that it was no longer the stigma that it once was. There are several things I wanted to point out, which I don't have answers to.

First, she hangs around a certain crowd, perhaps Western educated, perhaps single in their 30s as she is, and this crowd may not be representative of the entire population of India. As her friend pointed out, India is large and diverse, and while certain things may be true of one group, it may not be true in general. Now, I'm no expert in India, and I should defer, perhaps, but I doubt she's completely explored the situation either. Certainly, her experiences, like mine, would be completely anecdotal. She wouldn't have numbers to back her claims (and neither do I).

Second, there's a tendency I see among Indians I do ask to tell you that certain things widely accepted in the West but possibly not widely accepted in India do exist. For example, I looked around this company, and I didn't spot one women wearing trousers or Western style clothing. I'm sure they exist, but the point is, if I see a dozen women and all wear a traditional style of clothing at work, then it suggests to me that Western clothing is not common.

I think people think of that one rare exception, and being an exception, it sticks out that much more, or they think of those people that studied in the West, and use that as their baseline of comparison. I think if they were to merely count, they would find the numbers are really paltry.

So why do they answer this way? It might be more subversive. Perhaps I'm making a comment implying India is somehow inferior for not adopting certain Western practices, and the person listening to this, trying to please, says, no, no, it's not that way, and says something to please the other person, whether it's entirely true or not. As long as there's one or two people that satisfy it, they feel comfortable saying it as if it were the complete truth.

Now, again, I could be quite mistaken about my views. My answers are not made through deep research. They are anecdotal in nature. But I feel, say, somewhat more confident making pronouncements about Americans because they seem more homogeneous (and that's probably wrong too).

So I wonder if there's a strong traditional behavior where Indians say things you want to here, because to be blunt, to disagree with you might be perceived as offensive (among people of equal station, I can see debate and dispute occurring, so this view is not completely true, and Indians do love a good debate).