Mind Games

This morning was overcast and drizzly, and this usually means one thing: slow Beltway traffic. I got up this morning a little after 7:30, checked my email, and read that my colleague had named his two newborn kittens: Oddjob and Jaws, after two James Bond villains. I had amusingly thought of two other Bond names that have to do with cats (one of them is in the same film as Oddjob).

As I get on the Beltway, traffic is jammed more than usual. It takes almost twenty minutes to go one mile. During that time, my mind is wandering, and I'm imagining the storyline of a James Bond movies.

Roger Ebert loves James Bond, even as most of the films, by modern action standards, drag at an interminable pace. One of my favorite Bond films, You Only Live Twice, which is a lot of fun, but gets bogged down by being a Japanese travelogue. Bond goes to a sumo wrestling competition. He has a traditional Japanese bath. He even gets married, in a plot deviation that honestly makes no sense at all.

Over time, I realize many Bond movies simply suck, and what I really want to see is some kind of Bond deconstruction film, somewhat like Unforgiven deconstructs the Western. I want it twisted, psychological, and basically a mindf**k. Unfortunately, I'm no Joss Whedon. I don't have particularly clever ideas.

But here's the one I thought of. (BTW, I copyright this idea, folks). Basically, the idea would revolve around a cloned James Bond, who doesn't know he's cloned. For a while, things are great, but as time progresses, he's starting to act more irrationally, wondering what's going on in his life. One humorous bit would be that this cloned Bond would sleep with all the folks that never get it. This includes Miss Moneypenny, the female M, and even Q (or some suitable Q replacement).

Initially, Bond is being hunted by what appears to be SPECTRE, and perhaps, initially it is them, but over time, the "real" James Bond, who is hardly seen in the film, has to go after the clone. As we head to the end of the film, it is revealed that Q was the one that created the cloned Bond, and there's a talk about why he did it, and as this cloned Bond tries to reconcile what he's thought of as his life.

I suppose the ending would have to be some kind of Bond vs. Bond fight. Part of me wants to make it some kind of variation of the end of Jedi, with cloned Bond playing Luke, Q as Vader, and original Bond as the Emperor. I'd also like to throw in some kind of comic relief type character, a la, Ran.

The idea really is to explore the Bond universe outside of Bond, where he's some kind of archetype, but then also to have the clone do all the thinking about why he does what he does, as a commentary on why Bond does what he does.

The idea isn't terribly original. Star Trek: Deep Space 9 has done a clone of O'Brien episode, which is decent. They've had a Picard clone. The key is not to make it that clever as far as that goes. The underlying story has to be able to hold up, and not be based purely on the trick.

Anyway, that's what I get to think of on a rainy drive on the Beltway.